not the girl you knew || retro, pansystar's nine lives
Sept 22, 2023 0:05:42 GMT -6
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Post by Pansystar on Sept 22, 2023 0:05:42 GMT -6
Pansyheart opened her eyes to see a cool and dark forest surrounding her. Stars glittered in the bark of the trees, and a light mist swirled around her paws. Her legs trembled as she took a few paw steps forward, looking around for other cats. Weren't they supposed to be here by now?
"Don't be shy," a familiar voice meowed. Pansyheart turned her head and saw the warm face of her father before her. "You've earned it, Pansyheart." Pansyheart's gaze softened and she rushed forward, nuzzling her father's chest. It had been moons since the battle where he lost his life. "Berrybranch," she meowed, her words getting caught in her throat. "It's so good to see you." Her eyes stung with tears while a big smile was displayed across her maw.
"Now, now," he meowed in the way he always did when he was alive. "Don't get emotional on me now. We've got a long way to go." He beckoned forward eight other cats. Pansyheart could feel her heart swell as the familiar faces appeared.
"Let's not waste any time," Berrybranch meowed, a warm smile on his maw. "I give you this life for justice. Follow your heart, and do what's right for your Clan." He beckoned Pansyheart forward and touched noses with her. In an instant, Panystar felt like flames had engulfed her pelt. Hazy visions of battles raged in her head, blood-soaked earth, claws glinting in the moonlight, extending to strike down their enemies. Pansyheart gasped as she was freed from the sensation. She looked up at her father, whose expression had turned grim. "Your Clan needs a strong leader now more than ever. I know that will be you." Berrybranch padded away, returning to the group of cats in front of Pansyheart.
Pansyheart hadn't fully recovered from the life when the next cat approached her. It was her mother, Duskwillow. Pansyheart smiled weakly, noticing the way small stars dappled Duskwillow's familiar pelt. "My daughter," Duskwillow's purr was warm. "I've been watching you, and I couldn't be prouder." Pansyheart purred and nuzzled her mother's cheek.
"Thank you," she breathed. "I've missed you so much."
Duskwillow returned her daughter's nuzzle, and the two savored the moment of closeness. "I know you couldn't hear me from up here, but I cheered your warrior name louder than anyone else. I promise." Pansyheart could feel her emotions overwhelming her. She wanted to wail out like a kit separated from its mother, but she knew she couldn't do that here. Not in front of StarClan. Duskwillow stepped back before continuing. "With this life, I give you courage. Use it to follow your heart and protect MoonClan." When they touched their noses, Pansyheart was met with a much warmer sensation. She could the image of Hailstar on the high rock with Pansyheart down below, and she recognized the scene as her deputy ceremony. Even in the fondness, Pansyheart could feel the grief of her Clan. Her deputy ceremony marked the death of Hailstar's mate and kit, and more than she did back then, Pansyheart felt protective of the two cats. The life was over, and Pansyheart stayed steady on her paws. Duskwillow stole one more nuzzle from her daughter before retreating back with Berrybranch.
"You and my sister were always such sofites." Pansyheart could see Otterbreeze approaching. Pansyheart chuckled, holding back the sniffles that threatened to take over.
"I guess it's genetic," she responded a light chuckle in her voice.
Otterbreeze laughed and playfully cuffed her niece over the ears. "Come on, Pansyheart. I've got a gift for you." Otterbreeze had a playful smile when she continued: "With this life, I give you intelligence. Your heart is great and all, but please don't forget to use your head." Pansyheart touched noses with her aunt, whose teasing tone left her completely unprepared for the icy claws that gripped Pansyheart's pelt. She saw glimpses of groups of cats, their heads tucked together and voices hushed. She could feel the wind around her, and instinctively she analyzed it as if she was hunting prey in MoonClan's dark forests. The life passed quickly and left Pansyheart feeling chilled to her bones.
The next cat to approach didn't give her much time to recover either. Pansyheart recognized Frogwhisker, the deputy before her. He perished in the battle where Hailstar lost his family. Pansyheart quickly dipped her head. "I'm sorry for what happened to you," she meowed.
"Don't be," Frogwhisker replied flatly. "I died an honorable death. Fighting for my Clan. Any good deputy would do the same." He quickly added: "But I'm glad you didn't have to." Frogwhisker wasted no time in delivering his like. "With this life, I give you fortitude. You have long, hard seasons ahead of you." Frogwhisker touched his nose to her head, and his life rushed through her. It was as harsh as his warning. Pansyheart saw her territory flooded, her Clanmates ribs sticking out of scrawny frames, and countless bloody battles. The life left her trembling and gasping for air. She looked up at Frogwhisker and could feel her fear pulsing from her frame. Was she really ready for this? If Frogwhisker could hear her question, he didn't answer. She turned around and joined the other cats who had given Pansyheart their gifts.
Pansyheart weakly smiled when a ginger tabby pelt moved forward. Flamefeather approached her with a smile on his maw. "Well, shucks! I couldna done too bad a job as a mentor. Look at you! Tiny Pansypaw all grown up 'n bein' leader!" Pansyheart chuckled. "It's been too long, Flamefeather."
"Well I reckon it has! And it better be a while befer I sees ya again too! Don't cha go wastin' these here lives, okay?"
"I won't," Pansyheart's response was warm.
"Well then, I give you here this ol' gift of patience! Ya always challenged ma waya thinkin' 'bout things. And well I reckon that made the botha us better warriors fer it." He touched his nose to her forehead and Pansyheart was met with a sensation that resembled cool lake waters lapping at the shore, a welcome change from Frogwhisker's life. She saw queens in the nursery with their kits, mentors with their apprentices, and warriors sharing a meal in the dimness of dusk. It assured her that her Clanmates deserved her patience. "Yer ideas ain't too populer," Flamefeather meowed. "Yer gonna need tough skin ta convince somea these older cats that yer way of doin' things is right. Have patience, they'll come round." Pansyheart nodded and her old mentor retreated to the crowd of cats. Pansyheart watched him go, feeling fondness for the old tom tug at her heart.
A grey cat broke out from the crowd next, and Pansyheart's ears perked up when she recognized her. "Fernmist," she meowed. "It's good to see you."
Fernmist smiled back at her. "It's good to see you too. I hope you're taking care of my daughter."
Pansyheart looked away, feeling her cheeks warm at the comment. "Yes ma'am, I promise I am."
"Good. Hazelsong has always been fond of you." Fernmist's voice was warm, though Pansyheart could detect some teasing there too. "Come forward now. You're almost done." Pansyheart padded forward and met Fernmist's gaze. "With this life, I give you confidence. Hazelsong has always believed in you, and I do too. Take care of her." Fernmist touched her nose to Pansyheart's forehead, and Pansyheart was filled with warmth. it was hazy, but she thought it could be her future. She felt the warmth of love for her friends, her family, her Clanmates. It was like her heart was torn open for them to see. She could feel eyes boring into her, and yet she could feel their trust too. It invigorated her. I'll protect them, I promise.
Fernmist took a step back and nodded to Pansyheart. "Three more to go. You can do this." Fernmist joined the group of cats whose gifts had passed.
Pansyheart was met with a warm presence next. Petalsong. Like Frogwhisker, she had perished in the battle proceeding Pansystar's leader ceremony. Pansyheart opened her jaws to speak, but Petalsong was faster. "Daisypaw is here too, but she won't give you a life. She's saved that for someone else." Pansyheart's whiskers twitched. What did Petalsong mean by that? "Don't worry about that now. I've come to give you the gift of compassion. You're known for your big heart, so use it for all the cats who may cross your path." Petalsong touched her nose to Pansyheart's head. This life was a lot like Fernmist's life, light and loving. She could see herself leading the gathering, MoonClan mingled in with SunClan. The air was welcoming and friendly, and it filled Pansyheart with hope. She was more sure than ever that she could make it a reality for the Clans.
"Clan cats are united under StarClan. Even in battle. I know you don't forget that, Pansyheart."
Pansyheart didn't have time to respond before her eyes landed on a small golden tom. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened. It couldn't be. "Goldenpaw..." She rushed forward to the apprentice and nuzzled his shoulder. "Oh I am so sorry! I should've been there! I should've helped you! I-" He cut her off.
"Don't do that, Pansyheart," Goldenpaw meowed. "You were a good mentor, and it wasn't in your control." His words were gentle as he matched her gaze. "I don't blame you."
The words rang in Pansyheart's ears and she couldn't stop herself from weeping. "Goldenpaw. I don't deserve this. I didn't deserve you as an apprentice."
"Well, I think you do, and you did," he responded. "My gift to you is forgiveness. Especially when the cat you need to forgive is yourself." Goldenpaw touched his nose to hers, and Pansystar's vision flashed to the past. She was still touching his nose, but now at his apprentice ceremony in MoonClan camp. The vision flashed to his cold body in the territory, the badger who killed him skulking away. It flashed again, this time to her carrying his lifeless from to camp, his blood staining her brown fur. Pansyheart felt the grief grip her heart once more as she was flashed to his vigil, then to the countless nights she spent in the medicine cat's den, poppy seeds lulling her to sleep. When Pansyheart opened her eyes again, her cheeks were wet and she was gazing at a starry-furred Goldenpaw once more. "Cats make mistakes. But look where you're at now. Your Clanmates will make mistakes too, and you'll never know how far they can grow if you don't give them the chance." Pansyheart's eyes widened as her apprentice spoke. "I'm happy here, Pansyheart. And I'm happy you're becoming leader, too."
Pansyheart could feel herself trembling as Goldenpaw padded away. She looked around frantically. That was only eight cats. Had she done something wrong? Would she not be granted all her lives?
"You always worried too much," the gruff voice of Hailstar sounded as he appeared. Where had he even come from? "Are you ready for your last life?"
Pansyheart nodded, though her voice trembled when she spoke: "I am."
Hailstar returned her nod. "Don't worry. I made a lot of mistakes in my lifetime, but making you deputy was not one. I'm sure of it. I give you the gift of loyalty. To the Clan, of course. but also to your instincts." Hailstar looked at Pansyheart, a serious expression on her face. "MoonClan has seen a long line of leaders who threw our Clan into battle after countless battle. It took a great loss for me to realize our path must change. I knew that by making you my deputy, I'd be the last leader in that line." Hailstar touched his nose to Pansyheart's forehead and she felt energy coursing through her body. She felt like she could run from the mountains to the fishing rocks. She saw the scene at the gathering again, her mingling with SunClan cats and leading with peace. she opened her eyes and gazed warmly at Hailstar as he continued.
"It's time. I hail you by your new name, Pansystar. Your old life as a warrior is no more. You've received the nine lives of a leader, and, with them, StarClan grants you the guardianship of MoonClan. Defend it well. Honor your ancestors and the warrior code. Bring MoonClan to the future we know it can have."
A chorus of StarClan cats chanted her new name, led by the nine who granted her lives. Pansystar felt her heart swell with pride as their voices echoed through StarClan. I will, I promise.
The voices gradually began to fade, and the image of StarClan with them. Pansystar woke beside the Moonpond, blinking the last of the starlight from her eyes. She rose to her paws, once again feeling the cold stone on her soft pads. She gazed down at the pond, stealing the last moments of her time among her loved ones. Pansystar smiled. She'd see them again one day. In the meantime, she had a promise to fulfill.
"Come on," Pansystar meowed to her medicine cat companion. "MoonClan needs a deputy."
Lives summary:
Berrybranch - Pansystar's father - Justice
Duskwater - Pansystar's mother - Courage
Otterbreeze - Pansystar's aunt - Intelligence
Flamefeather - Pansystar's mentor - Patience
Frogwhisker - Deputy before Pansystar - Fortitude
Fernmist - Hazelsong's mother - Confidence
Petalsong - Hailstar's mate - Compassion
Goldenpaw - Pansystar's first apprentice - Forgiveness
Hailstar - Leader before Pansystar - Loyalty
More info:
Goldenpaw is yellow to resemble Shallowpaw, who dies horrifically and is found by Pansyheart in the same way
Cats close to Pansyheart touched noses with her while more distant ones touched their nose to her forehead
Hazelsong is Pansystar's first deputy
Pansystar and Hazelsong court for a long time, but Hazelsong dies before they officially become mates
"Don't be shy," a familiar voice meowed. Pansyheart turned her head and saw the warm face of her father before her. "You've earned it, Pansyheart." Pansyheart's gaze softened and she rushed forward, nuzzling her father's chest. It had been moons since the battle where he lost his life. "Berrybranch," she meowed, her words getting caught in her throat. "It's so good to see you." Her eyes stung with tears while a big smile was displayed across her maw.
"Now, now," he meowed in the way he always did when he was alive. "Don't get emotional on me now. We've got a long way to go." He beckoned forward eight other cats. Pansyheart could feel her heart swell as the familiar faces appeared.
"Let's not waste any time," Berrybranch meowed, a warm smile on his maw. "I give you this life for justice. Follow your heart, and do what's right for your Clan." He beckoned Pansyheart forward and touched noses with her. In an instant, Panystar felt like flames had engulfed her pelt. Hazy visions of battles raged in her head, blood-soaked earth, claws glinting in the moonlight, extending to strike down their enemies. Pansyheart gasped as she was freed from the sensation. She looked up at her father, whose expression had turned grim. "Your Clan needs a strong leader now more than ever. I know that will be you." Berrybranch padded away, returning to the group of cats in front of Pansyheart.
Pansyheart hadn't fully recovered from the life when the next cat approached her. It was her mother, Duskwillow. Pansyheart smiled weakly, noticing the way small stars dappled Duskwillow's familiar pelt. "My daughter," Duskwillow's purr was warm. "I've been watching you, and I couldn't be prouder." Pansyheart purred and nuzzled her mother's cheek.
"Thank you," she breathed. "I've missed you so much."
Duskwillow returned her daughter's nuzzle, and the two savored the moment of closeness. "I know you couldn't hear me from up here, but I cheered your warrior name louder than anyone else. I promise." Pansyheart could feel her emotions overwhelming her. She wanted to wail out like a kit separated from its mother, but she knew she couldn't do that here. Not in front of StarClan. Duskwillow stepped back before continuing. "With this life, I give you courage. Use it to follow your heart and protect MoonClan." When they touched their noses, Pansyheart was met with a much warmer sensation. She could the image of Hailstar on the high rock with Pansyheart down below, and she recognized the scene as her deputy ceremony. Even in the fondness, Pansyheart could feel the grief of her Clan. Her deputy ceremony marked the death of Hailstar's mate and kit, and more than she did back then, Pansyheart felt protective of the two cats. The life was over, and Pansyheart stayed steady on her paws. Duskwillow stole one more nuzzle from her daughter before retreating back with Berrybranch.
"You and my sister were always such sofites." Pansyheart could see Otterbreeze approaching. Pansyheart chuckled, holding back the sniffles that threatened to take over.
"I guess it's genetic," she responded a light chuckle in her voice.
Otterbreeze laughed and playfully cuffed her niece over the ears. "Come on, Pansyheart. I've got a gift for you." Otterbreeze had a playful smile when she continued: "With this life, I give you intelligence. Your heart is great and all, but please don't forget to use your head." Pansyheart touched noses with her aunt, whose teasing tone left her completely unprepared for the icy claws that gripped Pansyheart's pelt. She saw glimpses of groups of cats, their heads tucked together and voices hushed. She could feel the wind around her, and instinctively she analyzed it as if she was hunting prey in MoonClan's dark forests. The life passed quickly and left Pansyheart feeling chilled to her bones.
The next cat to approach didn't give her much time to recover either. Pansyheart recognized Frogwhisker, the deputy before her. He perished in the battle where Hailstar lost his family. Pansyheart quickly dipped her head. "I'm sorry for what happened to you," she meowed.
"Don't be," Frogwhisker replied flatly. "I died an honorable death. Fighting for my Clan. Any good deputy would do the same." He quickly added: "But I'm glad you didn't have to." Frogwhisker wasted no time in delivering his like. "With this life, I give you fortitude. You have long, hard seasons ahead of you." Frogwhisker touched his nose to her head, and his life rushed through her. It was as harsh as his warning. Pansyheart saw her territory flooded, her Clanmates ribs sticking out of scrawny frames, and countless bloody battles. The life left her trembling and gasping for air. She looked up at Frogwhisker and could feel her fear pulsing from her frame. Was she really ready for this? If Frogwhisker could hear her question, he didn't answer. She turned around and joined the other cats who had given Pansyheart their gifts.
Pansyheart weakly smiled when a ginger tabby pelt moved forward. Flamefeather approached her with a smile on his maw. "Well, shucks! I couldna done too bad a job as a mentor. Look at you! Tiny Pansypaw all grown up 'n bein' leader!" Pansyheart chuckled. "It's been too long, Flamefeather."
"Well I reckon it has! And it better be a while befer I sees ya again too! Don't cha go wastin' these here lives, okay?"
"I won't," Pansyheart's response was warm.
"Well then, I give you here this ol' gift of patience! Ya always challenged ma waya thinkin' 'bout things. And well I reckon that made the botha us better warriors fer it." He touched his nose to her forehead and Pansyheart was met with a sensation that resembled cool lake waters lapping at the shore, a welcome change from Frogwhisker's life. She saw queens in the nursery with their kits, mentors with their apprentices, and warriors sharing a meal in the dimness of dusk. It assured her that her Clanmates deserved her patience. "Yer ideas ain't too populer," Flamefeather meowed. "Yer gonna need tough skin ta convince somea these older cats that yer way of doin' things is right. Have patience, they'll come round." Pansyheart nodded and her old mentor retreated to the crowd of cats. Pansyheart watched him go, feeling fondness for the old tom tug at her heart.
A grey cat broke out from the crowd next, and Pansyheart's ears perked up when she recognized her. "Fernmist," she meowed. "It's good to see you."
Fernmist smiled back at her. "It's good to see you too. I hope you're taking care of my daughter."
Pansyheart looked away, feeling her cheeks warm at the comment. "Yes ma'am, I promise I am."
"Good. Hazelsong has always been fond of you." Fernmist's voice was warm, though Pansyheart could detect some teasing there too. "Come forward now. You're almost done." Pansyheart padded forward and met Fernmist's gaze. "With this life, I give you confidence. Hazelsong has always believed in you, and I do too. Take care of her." Fernmist touched her nose to Pansyheart's forehead, and Pansyheart was filled with warmth. it was hazy, but she thought it could be her future. She felt the warmth of love for her friends, her family, her Clanmates. It was like her heart was torn open for them to see. She could feel eyes boring into her, and yet she could feel their trust too. It invigorated her. I'll protect them, I promise.
Fernmist took a step back and nodded to Pansyheart. "Three more to go. You can do this." Fernmist joined the group of cats whose gifts had passed.
Pansyheart was met with a warm presence next. Petalsong. Like Frogwhisker, she had perished in the battle proceeding Pansystar's leader ceremony. Pansyheart opened her jaws to speak, but Petalsong was faster. "Daisypaw is here too, but she won't give you a life. She's saved that for someone else." Pansyheart's whiskers twitched. What did Petalsong mean by that? "Don't worry about that now. I've come to give you the gift of compassion. You're known for your big heart, so use it for all the cats who may cross your path." Petalsong touched her nose to Pansyheart's head. This life was a lot like Fernmist's life, light and loving. She could see herself leading the gathering, MoonClan mingled in with SunClan. The air was welcoming and friendly, and it filled Pansyheart with hope. She was more sure than ever that she could make it a reality for the Clans.
"Clan cats are united under StarClan. Even in battle. I know you don't forget that, Pansyheart."
Pansyheart didn't have time to respond before her eyes landed on a small golden tom. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened. It couldn't be. "Goldenpaw..." She rushed forward to the apprentice and nuzzled his shoulder. "Oh I am so sorry! I should've been there! I should've helped you! I-" He cut her off.
"Don't do that, Pansyheart," Goldenpaw meowed. "You were a good mentor, and it wasn't in your control." His words were gentle as he matched her gaze. "I don't blame you."
The words rang in Pansyheart's ears and she couldn't stop herself from weeping. "Goldenpaw. I don't deserve this. I didn't deserve you as an apprentice."
"Well, I think you do, and you did," he responded. "My gift to you is forgiveness. Especially when the cat you need to forgive is yourself." Goldenpaw touched his nose to hers, and Pansystar's vision flashed to the past. She was still touching his nose, but now at his apprentice ceremony in MoonClan camp. The vision flashed to his cold body in the territory, the badger who killed him skulking away. It flashed again, this time to her carrying his lifeless from to camp, his blood staining her brown fur. Pansyheart felt the grief grip her heart once more as she was flashed to his vigil, then to the countless nights she spent in the medicine cat's den, poppy seeds lulling her to sleep. When Pansyheart opened her eyes again, her cheeks were wet and she was gazing at a starry-furred Goldenpaw once more. "Cats make mistakes. But look where you're at now. Your Clanmates will make mistakes too, and you'll never know how far they can grow if you don't give them the chance." Pansyheart's eyes widened as her apprentice spoke. "I'm happy here, Pansyheart. And I'm happy you're becoming leader, too."
Pansyheart could feel herself trembling as Goldenpaw padded away. She looked around frantically. That was only eight cats. Had she done something wrong? Would she not be granted all her lives?
"You always worried too much," the gruff voice of Hailstar sounded as he appeared. Where had he even come from? "Are you ready for your last life?"
Pansyheart nodded, though her voice trembled when she spoke: "I am."
Hailstar returned her nod. "Don't worry. I made a lot of mistakes in my lifetime, but making you deputy was not one. I'm sure of it. I give you the gift of loyalty. To the Clan, of course. but also to your instincts." Hailstar looked at Pansyheart, a serious expression on her face. "MoonClan has seen a long line of leaders who threw our Clan into battle after countless battle. It took a great loss for me to realize our path must change. I knew that by making you my deputy, I'd be the last leader in that line." Hailstar touched his nose to Pansyheart's forehead and she felt energy coursing through her body. She felt like she could run from the mountains to the fishing rocks. She saw the scene at the gathering again, her mingling with SunClan cats and leading with peace. she opened her eyes and gazed warmly at Hailstar as he continued.
"It's time. I hail you by your new name, Pansystar. Your old life as a warrior is no more. You've received the nine lives of a leader, and, with them, StarClan grants you the guardianship of MoonClan. Defend it well. Honor your ancestors and the warrior code. Bring MoonClan to the future we know it can have."
A chorus of StarClan cats chanted her new name, led by the nine who granted her lives. Pansystar felt her heart swell with pride as their voices echoed through StarClan. I will, I promise.
The voices gradually began to fade, and the image of StarClan with them. Pansystar woke beside the Moonpond, blinking the last of the starlight from her eyes. She rose to her paws, once again feeling the cold stone on her soft pads. She gazed down at the pond, stealing the last moments of her time among her loved ones. Pansystar smiled. She'd see them again one day. In the meantime, she had a promise to fulfill.
"Come on," Pansystar meowed to her medicine cat companion. "MoonClan needs a deputy."
Lives summary:
Berrybranch - Pansystar's father - Justice
Duskwater - Pansystar's mother - Courage
Otterbreeze - Pansystar's aunt - Intelligence
Flamefeather - Pansystar's mentor - Patience
Frogwhisker - Deputy before Pansystar - Fortitude
Fernmist - Hazelsong's mother - Confidence
Petalsong - Hailstar's mate - Compassion
Goldenpaw - Pansystar's first apprentice - Forgiveness
Hailstar - Leader before Pansystar - Loyalty
More info:
Goldenpaw is yellow to resemble Shallowpaw, who dies horrifically and is found by Pansyheart in the same way
Cats close to Pansyheart touched noses with her while more distant ones touched their nose to her forehead
Hazelsong is Pansystar's first deputy
Pansystar and Hazelsong court for a long time, but Hazelsong dies before they officially become mates
